The Lonely Mother

I was at a lovely gathering of moms last night, enjoying yummy food and conversation with good friends (hello K!). We got on the topic of how difficult it is to make good friends these days - we all meet at various events and get along well and then, poof, nothing happens. As one mom put it, she's the lonely mother on the block.

It got me thinking that doing a study about how stay at home motherhood has changed would be an interesting anthropological dissertation. Then I remembered that I haven't studied anthro since college. But in any case, it is really another example of how isolating stay at home motherhood has become. Gone are the days when your street was full of moms at home and kids running around the streets (out of fear, we keep our kids at camps and at schools or locked in the backyard these days, wearing helmets at all times). Gone are the days when extended families lived close to one another. And gone are the days pre-email, when in order to get together with someone, you actually made a phone call. And if they weren't home, you called many times.

I don't call people too often to make plans because I assume I'll be bothering them if I do call (I personally am not a big phone person) or I assume they already have plans (note the passive aggressiveness in that statement). I also figure that email is less "in their face".

I am fortunate that through my moms groups I've managed to meet lovely women and developed very close friendships -- these friendships somehow, luckily for me, formed themselves, and I met moms with kids very similar in age - this gave us the opportunity to meet up around nap times. I feel very lucky that this happened, because when we moved up here from Atlanta, I really didn't know anyone in the general proximity (I have close friends from high school and college but not within a 5 mile radius).

But still. But still. There are days when I am lonely too. I adore my children and enjoy also being at home with them or running errands or taking them to the pool. I also appreciate my friendships and would love to have more. But there are times too when I am just too plain old tired to "friend-date".

The lonely mother in me would love to make some coffee, put it in a mug, and walk next door - knock, be invited in, and have my children play for a few hours without stressing about helmets, safety and whether or not I'm missing out on a few emails.

Maybe the moms of the previous century did have it easier, even with all the conveniences we enjoy today.