Boy oh boy oh BOY!!

I never imagined the children I would have. Much like I never dreamed about my wedding or had the ambition to be president. I guess I figured that things would fall into place as they should and it would hopefully work out. I do remember being a teenager and wondering if I'd ever get married at all - or even have children (the idea of childbirth completely scared me).

I am now in pregnancy # 3 - it has presented no problems, it came about easily, and the baby is growing at leaps and bounds. And, just like my other two pregnancies, we found out that we are having a boy. A big, active, healthy as all get out, boy. He looked...perfect. Gorgeous. Lovely. The part of me that is rational can't get over how lucky we are. To have three healthy children. To be given the opportunity to raise these boys into good men. Men who I pray will be good and kind, respectful to women, smart and strong, and still call their mother at least twice a week.

There is, of course, and to be perfectly honest, the irrational part of me that is sad. Sad that I will be a mother without a daughter. That the vision of raising a baby girl will more than 99.9% not be a reality. I could go through the five stages of grief to thoroughly dissect the range of emotions I felt today: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Or, I could spend my spare time, for weeks, groaning and moaning about my sense of loss, despair, and disappointment.

But what good will that do me? Instead, I am choosing to focus on what I can be happy about. A new baby. A loving family. Happy children. Fulfillment. Joy. Love.

"It's all about choice, man".

I hope the four of you who read this know that I write this not to offend anyone who thinks I am being selfish. I write this because this is hard work, emotionally, for me. I'm working through it the best way I can, knowing that I continue to be happy and content. I'm proud of the ability to choose my joy. :)